


Our Little Space

by Weresnake



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: F/F, Internalized Homophobia, Pining, Takes place during the first movie, Useless Lesbians, partial genderswap, so baby bev and ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:53:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22271365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weresnake/pseuds/Weresnake
Summary: Benverly but lesbians because i wanted something truly self indulgent.=============================================Beverly gets her poem back and chews on her lip in thought. The chance, Beverly felt, of finding who the anonymous author for the love note wouldn't be impossible. It’d be fairly easy, living in a small town and going to a smaller school. On top of that, everyone (except her friends of course) hated her. She had one of the biggest targets on her back that only serves too hurt whoever else gets closer. Or maybe, she mused while looking at Beth’s angelic face, they didn’t want to make it worse on her now that Beverly was nominated the schools lesbian because of her haircut.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, but get this... their lesbians harold
Kudos: 12





	Our Little Space

Simply put, her heart ached seeing Beverly this miserable. 

She knew something was wrong when Beverly sheared those locks to an almost fuzz. It reminded Beth of a sheep removed of its wool with almost nothing left but the purpose just wasn’t the same, and she wanted to know why Beverly did it. It made her stomach drop seeing the usual red mane now trimmed just like a boys, because that wouldn’t stop the school from talking; it would only change the subject to her hair. Beverly was no longer the school’s whore. No, now the students called her a butch, a lesbian, and other words that could use less repeating. The other kids didn’t care what the reason of the week would be, they just wanted to rip her apart like the hungry wolves they are.  


After all, they never cared about Beth’s weight. That’s what she first learned when they started the jabbing in her direction, not that it mattered. She did her best not to let it get to her in every little way. Sure, there was no ignoring the pink scar on her gut, but a good set of earphones drowned out most of the chaotic world during school hours. Plus, they had the Losers Club to rely on for comfort, or for rescue if things got sticky.  
Still though, even their shared friends couldn’t seem to figure out what was eating at the dear redhead but likely because they didn’t quite notice the root wasn’t just the bullying. Beverly just kept drawing further into her shell until not even Bill, Stan or Richie could pull her out. So, after classes they would just sit in silence with her at the fort in solidarity but also because they didn’t know what to do. It felt wrong for the situation to get this bad.

Ever patiently, Beth waited. When the fort goes quiet and it’s just the two of them with the ash tray now full of still faintly glowing ends., that’s when she decides to start.  
Beverly is lounging in a beanbag, staring at the ceiling as Beth tiptoes over. It’s a cautious pace, and everything in her posture tells the redhead that if she was intruding, she could turn away at any point and that would be the end. She notices Beverly glance her way as a silent acknowledgement but what kind of answer is it? Should she keep going or just pull away? Taking the safer route, Beth backs up and readies to head back but she stops when the other girls voice cuts the silence.  
“What did you want?” Beverly asks.  
“I was just wondering, could I sit with you?” Beth answers with another question and wants to swear at herself with how creepy the question sounded. Her voice is even but she’s shaking in her sneakers.  
For all the intensity she can give off, Beverly’s face softens. It makes Beth’s heart race pathetically, like it ever had legs to run with in this odd feeling. It just wasn’t fair was it, that Beth couldn’t be Bill and get a chance, just a sliver of a chance to make her feel special. And maybe, (just saying) if she didn’t indulge in the funny emotion forcing her to make Beverly know at least someone admired her as much as Beth did then maybe Beth wouldn’t explode. So what better to do then make a sweet poem and say it’s some secret admirer. Someone more realistic than the ugly looking new girl in the back of class-  
“Of course, plant your butt anywhere by me.” Beverly leans forward to drag a purple beanbag over next to her so that Beth sits down on something comfertable. She adjusts her position, and picks at a nail with a million new things to say but without a place to begin. 

“I like your hair.” Beth starts.  
This makes Beverly stop watching the smoke trail upwards from the ash tray and look back at her. One eyebrow is quirked but otherwise her expression is painfully unreadable.  
“Really?”  
“Yeah.” Beth squeaks back because what else can she say. It did look nice though, the way it framed her face, and maybe it would look cuter with flowers tucked in (just saying!). She shook her head, realizing she was thinking about this way too much to possibly be healthy.  
“You like the new cut?” Beverly said and the girl finds herself now lost in those eyes.  
“haha yeah,” Beth’s’ voice exits shaky and there’s a burning sensation from neck to ears. “It suites your face and you just look so pretty with it short like that….”  
There’s a moment of silence shared where Beth notices Beverly tilts her head a certain way that only meant something good. She did it when Richie was going on some humorous tangent, or Bill was rambling about a short story he poured his heart into.  
Or when Eddie was showing her his comics, or Mike talking about his favorite spot in Derry to sit in and watch the day pass by, or….

“Thanks. You’re probably the first person to actually like it. Maybe even the only one.” She adds the latter bit bitterly but still she smiles. It makes Beth melt like a snow-cone smushed on hot pavement. Suddenly, it felt ridiculous why she shied away from someone as warm as Beverly. Ducking behind anonymity with never the intent to drop the mask.  
“I can’t possibly be the only one.” Beth sputters back, “you look amazing. Even the others know it.”  
“Nahhhh. I mean, Richie told me I look like a guy but no.” Then Beverly makes a small “oh!” and turns around to fetch her bag. “I lied, there’s one other person that really liked it.”  
Beth watches her rummage and feels her own heart jump to her throat. She felt like she was up to her ears in regret but there was an urgency that overrode it. The reason why she stayed here and approached her like this wasn’t to shy away, but to make her feel better. That’s right.  
“Here it is! My secret admirer, Mr. Winter Fire himself.” She makes Beth jolt in surprise as she whips it out. “Wanna see it?”  
Beth almost declines, but worries that it would look bad not to at least feign some interest. So she gives a nod, and looks it over after Beverly hands it to her. Sure enough the same handwriting and the illustration are all the same, just like when she first wrote it. After looking it over, she hands it back.  
“That’s a nice poem.” 

Beverly gets her poem back and chews on her lip in thought. The chance, Beverly felt, of finding who the anonymous author for the love note would be small. It’d be a fairly easy, living in a small town and going to a smaller school. On top of that, everyone (except her friends of course) hated her. She had one of the biggest targets on her back that only serves too hurt whoever else gets closer. Or maybe, she mused while looking at Beth’s angelic face, they didn’t want to make it worse on her.  
After all, getting her hair cut was what convinced the school she only fucks girls now (which only proved the absurdity of the bullying. First she’s apparently fucked every guy in the school but now hates men, what?). And tilting her head while watching Beth ramble on, she feels some inkling take hold  
Beth didn’t even read the poem after asking. Beth, the beating heart of the Losers club that built this fort on her own time, who would listen to Eddies every word when he’d start ranting, who laughed hardest at Richies jokes, who gushed about the lambs Mike talked about caring for, and was always brimming with empathy for everyone despite she herself being shy and maybe a bit insecure. Someone so caring just looking over a love note Beverly got and returns with a shaky hand and a slight blush. As if she knew what it said already, almost like she wrote it herself.  
“Yeah! Did you read the bit she wrote about my hair?” Beverly immediately grimaces, giving away something she still wasn’t sure yet. Beth doesn’t notice the slip in pronoun and looks away.  
“January embers,” she seems to smile as she quotes back “my heart burns there too.”  
It almost feels like a confession, and maybe that was just herself going crazy at the possibility. She wouldn’t be surprised if foam started collecting in her mouth. However, something more cynical spoke up once again. Beth couldn’t be gay, will never be gay. She possibly only did it to be the good friend and to make her feel special. It felt… Cruel, to consider it. But sweet Baby Beth, Haystack the kindhearted, was only trying to supportive with the shitty funk Beverly found herself in.  
“They sound pretty neat.” Beverly responds blankly and puts the poem away, “I wonder if I’ll get to meet them.”  
That certainly pulled a reaction out of Beth. She fidgets visibly and leans back in her beanbag. “Do you think Bill wrote it?” Comes out quietly.  
“No. I mean he can write pretty decent and draw fairly well but,” she sucks in air through her teeth for theatrics, “no dice. Homeboy had no idea what I was talking about it when I mentioned it to him.”  
“Oh. No idea then.”  
With that, came a heavy lull in the conversation. She went back to staring at the last wisps of cigarette smoke floating up to the dirt ceiling and bites her lip. It wasn’t fair, nothing about this was. There was too little to go on and not another damn thing to consider. For a moment, Beverly wonders if the other girl is even still there with her from how quiet things are. 

Haystack herself was still there and turned to look at her lap in a way that had obviously meant she was staring. How interesting.  
“Have you kissed a girl before?” Beverly blurts out loud, and watches Beth turn scarlet.  
“What?” She’s almost gasping back. It provided Beverly the perfect last chance in not possibly being a creep, but she has had enough.  
“Have you kissed a girl before? Like on the lips.” She asks plainly.  
“N-no?”  
A ‘would you like to?’ rests right there, just for the saying but it felt too abrupt to spring upon. It was something extreme. Instead, she gives “I’ve always wanted to. For being the schools nominated lesbian I’m a bit of a letdown.”  
Beth laughs dryly as she nods, maybe in acknowledgement or maybe because she doesn’t know how else to respond.  
“Not sure there’s any girl in the school I’d kiss.” Beth confides, and it makes Beverly’s heart jump.  
“I can think of someone.” Beverly tries to make it look like no big deal, shrugging her shoulders. “But only if you want to.”  
That seems to make Beth quietly ponder, making Beverly all the more nervous.  
“Like, really, I don’t want to pressure you.” 

Then it all moves slowly. Beth reaching up to cradle her face with a hand so soft it makes Beverly melt inside, her eyes focused and yet still afraid. She takes the queue to lean forward just as Beth does and the kiss couldn’t be any more perfect. The quick peck on the lips doesn’t last, and Beverly feels herself gasp from holding her breath.  
“That was nice.” She says, looking over Beth’s lips again.  
“It was.” Beth admits and rubs her arm, “but maybe keep it a secret?”  
“Oh don’t worry Babe, I don’t kiss and tell. She gives her toothiest grin and lightly pinches her cheek. Beth laughs back and touches her own face. “It won’t be some dirt secret either, just a shared little memory we will look back on. Right?”  
“Of course.” Beth answers with a warm smile.  
Noticing the light filtering through the entrance of the base growing dim, she gets up to stretch. “Guess we gotta go soon, won’t your mom throw a fit if you come home late?”  
“Yeah…” Beth gets up as well and brushes the dirt off her clothes.  
As they get out, Beverly gathers her results. Not only was Beth a little gay but absolutely the one who wrote it. The jury was still out on why exactly but Beverly had a gut feeling she couldn’t deny just going from everything that’s happened. The above ground air has never tasted fresher and just before they part ways, she feels a hand grasp her wrist.  
“I...” Beth starts, and rubs her arm and she looks away with that familiar look of insecurity. In that moment, Beverly knew that if she didn’t do something now this would never happen again so gently, she tips the sweet girls face up by her chin, and kisses her again. The burning orange of the setting sun soaking them both with its dying light. It feels like another eternity, or just another pocket of time and space separated from the world. 

“I know.”


End file.
